My name is Nicole I am 23yrs old and i regret my abortion.
At time of my abortion I was 22. I was in a verbally abusive and what soon turned into a physically abusive relationship with my then boyfriend. I had gotten pregnant. I was scared and didnt know where to go or what to do.Like you, I too thought i was alone. My boyfriend suggested i get an abortion because he wasnt ready. I love kids and have always dreamed of having them. How could i raise a child on my own? There should be 2 parents.I cried alone that night in my bed to afraid to tell my parents my family not even my best friend. I was ashamed that i had gotten pregnant outside of marraige and felt that i would be an embarrasement to my family.I called the clinc (planned parenthood) made all the arrangements. I thought this was the easy way out. Afterall who would find out??. I took the RU-486. Unaware at the time I was blessed and protected by God because i later learned of all the complications and deaths from the pill... It was a beautiful sunny day not a cloud in the sky as I drove myself and my boyfriend to the clinic on May of 2008 a day i will never forget 2 DAYS BEFORE MOTHERSDAY that i took that the first pill and one day before i had aborted my child. I started cramping i ran to the toilet all i remember is holding the tissue paper drenched with blood dripping all over my hands and looking at the tissue paper at what appeared to be a "BLOB" as the PLANNED PARENTHOOD employees so nicely put it. That "BLOB" turned out to be my baby. I took the tissue paper with the 8week old fetus and threw it in the toilet and flushed it. It wasnt until a couple days later that i realized what i had done. I had just held my 8week old baby and then flushed it down the toilet like a dead goldfish. I became numb, distant, depressed. I had recently strarted a new job and had no friends for the first 8-10months of working there. I pushed everyone away. I thought I was alone. I didnt know where to turn. You see planned parenthood made me feel like what I was going through was "not normal". They said it was a blob and that it was not anything, that i was "DOING THE RIGHT THING'' But it was something it was not an it, it was my baby who was developed had hands feet a heartbeat. My depression got so bad I wanted to die. I believed all the lies i was feed. I ignored God. Keeping silent almost killed me. I had came up with a plan. I decided i was going to drive head on into something. I was so scared id kill myself i wouldnt let anyone get in a car with me because at any moment i knew i could snap. I wanted to stop the pain. I wanted to stop the suffering the self torment the hatred i had for myself. How could i kill my child? I was a murderor. God will never forgive you. Your family will hate you. The words seemed to be whisperd in my ears over and over like a broken record The images flashed before me like a never ending horror movie. I felt like Bill Murray in Groundhog day. I seemed to relive that day over and over again. I didnt know how else to end it all but to die. I blamed God. I hated God. I asked HIM everyday... "WHY DIDNT YOU STOP ME?'' "WHY DIDNT YOU GIVE ME A WAY OUT?'' "WHY DID YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?''...HE replied "I DID TRY BUT YOU CHOSE TO IGNORE ME" You see 3 years prior God new what was going to happen. One day at work i saw a flyer for a Christian Pregnancy Crisis Help Center, at the time i didnt know why but i picked it up and brought it home and hung it on the fridge. Little did i know what the flyer truly meant to me and my life. Before i had the abortion I saw the flyer on the fridge and God was right HE gave me a way out and I IGNORED HIM! I looked at the flyer, there on the fridge, the day i found out i was pregnant. Instead of calling them I made my call to planned parenthood. A couple months later I remember grabing the flyer off the fridge yelling at God and getting into my car. I was headed to work but didnt plan on making it that far. I started to cry uncontrolably I wanted to die i thought today is the day to end the pain. But God had other plans for my life.... Something made me pull over that somethign was GOD and i started crying out to God for forgiveness for mercy for help i looked over and the flyer was on the passenger seat. I picked it up and called the number to my surprise they offered Abortion counseling. That call saved my life. God never left my side he was there with me watching over me protecting me. I owe Him my life. I started the counseling and went through a couple month program. I recieved Healing and learned God loves me and has a purpose for my life as HE does for yours....
You see Your not alone. Don't believe the lies the media and the clinics try to portray. It is NORMAL to feel the way you do. Abortion is a trauma it is a death. It is normal to go through the stages of grief. Just remember you are not alone and you can be forgiven. There is hope. Our God is a merciful God. Slow to anger. He loves each and everyone of us and wants you to turn to HIM. He can help you. GOD CAN END THE SUFFERING. HE CAN TAKE AWAY THE PAIN
"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands. - Deuteronomy 7:9
The bible says "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9).
"Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord." (Acts 3:19)
God views sin as all the same. Abortion is no greater a sin then lying or stealing... Dont believe the lies. The enemy (the devil) will try and keep you silent because there is freedom and healing and power in speaking the truth and he does not want that.
Here are a list of sites that you can turn to for help....
24hour help hotline, anonymous-- http://www.abortionfacts.com/help/national_help_lines.asp
after abortion counseling--http://www.4exhale.org/